sometimes its good to tell a joke

[mo elbo]

Train Set
Mason says to his mother: You can delete the train set from my Christmas wish list.
Mother: Why is that?
Mason: Yesterday, I found one in the closet

 

[crescent moon (RIP)]

On Christmas Eve, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual journey. But this year there were many problems. Four of the elder elves became ill and the younger more in-experienced elves did not produce the toys as quickly, so Santa started to worry that he would not be ready in time. Then Mrs. Claus tells him that her mother is visiting. This makes Santa Claus stressed even more so. When he begins to gather the reindeer for his sleigh, he discovers that three of them are ready to give birth and two have jumped over the fence. The elves begin loading the sleigh and one of the boards of the sled breaks off and the bag of toys falls to the ground dispersing the toys all around. It goes without saying that Santa was not exactly in his best state of mind and slightly triggered. Then the doorbell rings and Santa goes to the door and expects another problem. He opens the door and there is a little angel with a big Christmas tree brought to cheer up Santa. The angel says in a loving tone: "Merry Christmas Santa, is it not a beautiful day today? I have a big beautiful tree for you, is it not a beautiful tree, where do you want me to put it?" And so began the tradition of the angel on top of the Christmas tree.

And now we know how our current event got its name!

 

[mo elbo]

New Year's Day Prayer for One and All
Dear LordSo far this year I've done well.I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.Amen

 

[mo elbo]

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

 

[mo elbo]

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

 

[LX Air - Teresa]

Found this meme on FB... I guess we’re all on the first option haha

 

[mo elbo]

An extensive government study has revealed that the leading cause of cancer in laboratory rats is scientists.

What's it called when you steal someone's coffee? A: Mugging!

Where do birds go for coffee? A: To the NESTcafe

 

[mo elbo]

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’

 

[mo elbo]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt

 

[mo elbo]

How do you catch a polar bear?


A. You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear


comes along and stops for a pea, you kick it in the ice hole.

 

[mo elbo]

A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of people
one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-
speaker system. “Listen to the sound of my voice…”, he kept repeating,
“the sound of my voice… every word is a command… the sound of my voice…”
Pretty soon, he had every single person in the audience completely
mesmerized, each one hanging on his every word.
Needing to take a quick piss, he announced “I will have
to leave the stage for a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I
am gone” And then he repeated the words “the sound of my voice… every word
is a command.” As he turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord,
landed on his ass, and yelled “SHIT!”

 

[mo elbo]

A little girl is digging a hole in her yard. Her neighbor looks over the fence and asks her what she’s doing. She tells him, “I’m burying my goldfish.”


The neighbor replies, “That’s a mighty big hole for a little goldfish.”


The little girl smiles at him and says, “Not if he’s inside your cat.”

 

[mo elbo]

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.


After looking the man over the policeman says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”


The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

 

[mo elbo]

Two men were walking through a forest and spotted an aggressive looking bear. The first man took his running shoes out of his backpack and started to put them on. The second man said “You really think you can outrun that bear?”


The first man replied “Don’t have to… I just have to outrun you.”

 

[mo elbo]

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?


A father in law.