sometimes its good to tell a joke

[mo elbo]

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
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Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”-
The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”​

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[mo elbo]

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[mo elbo]

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.​

I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.​

 

[mo elbo]

What is invisible and smells of worms?​

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A bird’s fart.​

 

[mo elbo]

Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.​

"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?"

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"Go away! I'm crapping!"​

 

[mo elbo]

Police: “Open the door!”​

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Man: “I don’t want any balls!”
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Police: “What? We don’t have balls!”
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Man: “I know.​

 

[ItsRalphy]

 

[mo elbo]

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[mo elbo]

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[mo elbo]

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[mo elbo]

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“​

 

[mo elbo]

Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you?” asks a doctor his patient.

“Yes, just like you said, doc.”

“And is the bronchitis gone now?”

“Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and cellphone.”

 

[mo elbo]

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[mo elbo]

A man comes home and yells joyfully: “Honey I won the Lotto! Pack your things for a nice big vacation!”
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She asks: “Awesome! Should I pack for warm or cold weather?”
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Man beams: “I don’t care. Just be on your way already!”

 

[mo elbo]

The guy who gives out food at the prison canteen asks: “Eat here or take away?”
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The prisoner frowns: “Not funny, Marlon! Not funny at all!!”

 

[mo elbo]

Two men talking on a bus:

“I’ve been riding this bus to work for 15 years now.”
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“Lord Almighty, where did you get on?!”

 

[mo elbo]

What’s the difference between BOOM! Aaaaargh! And Aaaaaargh! BOOM!?​

-
The difference is whether you’re falling from the 1st or the 10th floor.​

 

[mo elbo]

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[mo elbo]

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[Barkmi4 (Mike)]

What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together we can stop this sh1t